i've migrated.

goodbye....

hello...
[http://middleofthetable.wordpress.com/]

a very important list, for which you can be the one to title it for me

1. i defended my dissertation and turned 26 on the same day. that means that this blog domain name is no longer valid. 

2. i "finished" grad school.

(except i thought i would be bored so committed to a summer GA and too many authorship projects)

3. my baby sister is in europe and reading her blog makes me horribly jealous because i don't think i appreciated things the way that i should have when i had them and when i was there.

4. i like the new new kids on the block song.

5. i might start a new blog for the new phase.

6. i feel different than i used to, but also the same.

7. cath...

8. i deal with change better than i used to. maybe that's a part of number 6, because sometimes i still hate it with a fiery passion. 

9. i'm scared about the 43 things that i have to start on. excited, but scared.

10. i no longer have an excuse for not starting my novel

11. i have not missed an 11:11 since liz left for chicago on monday morning, a.m., nor p.m., and no, i have not set my alarms for that.

12. i am also scared to play with my d-40. what if i don't remember anything?

13. #12 is the root of a lot of my thoughts right now. 

14. while i love this apartment, it evokes quite a bit of anxiety.

15. i have to go meet Grad School Girls for a birthday/goodbye party.

elliot perlman

good morning, again = sunday a.m.

i give up, i'm going to be an old lady with cats.

i CANNOT do "wall-to-wall". i just wanted to see what he said to me last year. bad, bad, bad idea.

sometimes i still wonder how we could've let something so wonderful fall apart. but more:

i wonder if you ever wonder.

ROL

she's not kidding.




i have big decisions to finalize in the next 48 hours... at least dreams about steve zader living in my old house and finding my initials carved in my closet trump the "I-DON'T-WANT-TO-GO-DOWN-THAT-CAREER-PATH" nightmares of the night before.

nothing is irreversible, nothing is irreversible. but i can't back out of this once i certify the list. but anyone can do a year of anything, right?

i'm so close, and i'm getting scared.



but.... also, really excited. its finally okay for me to devote time to things other than professional training. let's hope i remember how to do that.


on another note: i'm healing. but i miss talking. i want to be his friend again but the non-returned message of mid-december haunts my mind ad makes me wonder if he doesn't want the same. all i have to say is that if he's punishing me for needing time to be okay before being his friend, i dont even want to be his friend... because after everything, the least he could give me was time.

the very, very least.

but i do miss that one who was my best friend for 1.5 years.



i'm a lot better... i never thought i would be this okay again. but i am. and i'll be even more okay as time goes on, and things progress. :)